This time of social distancing has been so eye-opening. The most recent realization that I came to was how my impulse buying was keeping me from having the things I truly wanted. For example, in addition to the money I spent commuting to work, I ate out for lunch nearly every weekday. My office is walking distance from several restaurants so my colleagues and I would often get our second wind by getting out for a bit. I realized that not only was this habit incredibly unhealthy, but by eating out, I was spending tons of money every month. Hundreds of dollars, easily. Unbeknownst to me, the tradeoff was not having my dream car, not taking my dream vacation, not purchasing quality clothes that would last, and never having my dream handbag. These were all things I knew I wanted, but month after month, year after year, I would never have the money to get them. I never did the math on how much I was actually spending by eating out; I think subconsciously I didn’t want to actually face the problem. So I’d gripe that I just didn’t understand why I hadn’t achieved some of my material goals. And because I didn’t/couldn’t have them, I tried to diminish their importance under the guise of being down to earth, practical, and low-maintenance. “I don’t need a luxury handbag, that’s a waste of money” all the while I would drool every time I saw another woman holding one. Since I didn’t have the money, I downplayed their importance when in actuality, I marveled at well-dressed women. Deep down, I wanted to be one.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting luxury items, but there’s also nothing wrong if you do want these things. Through my journey through self-confidence, I’m sharing a few ways to recognize if you’re downplaying your dream life along with the strategies that helped me overcome my self-sabotaging behaviors.
Ways you might be playing small:
- Overeating to perpetuate the idea that you’re unattractive and therefore unworthy of love
- Overspending to not acquire the things that would serve as a visual reminder that you’ve outgrown your past or past self
- Not putting on makeup or wearing flattering clothes to avoid standing out from others
- Not speaking up or sharing your ideas or opinions under the guise of being polite, nice, or respectful
How to shift your thinking to live your biggest and best life:
- Use some (or all) of the following affirmations every morning after a few moments of silence, prayer, or meditation:
- I deserve nice things
- It’s okay for me to want more in life
- I am creating the life of my dreams
- I live an abundant, beautiful, and elegant life
- Make luxury your new normal. Before you even go for your big purchase, create a first-class experience out of your ordinary activities. Check out this post on Curating an At-home Luxury Experience.
- Visualize it. Pick one item that you’ve longed to own, print a photo of it and post it in a visible spot in your bedroom or make it the background of your smart phone. The goal is to program your mind to pursue it by seeing the image as often as possible. You can go a step further by visiting the store that you plan to purchase it from so that you can begin to envision the sights, sounds, scents, and feelings of the day you achieve this goal.
- Manage your money. Once you have the vision, start to allocate money for the things that you know you desire. Even if it’s only a few dollars every month, this savings bucket should be for your next/first splurge.
Keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong with easing into this transition. Start by setting small goals. It’s normal to feel some anxiety as you begin to transition from playing small to stepping into your feminine power so don’t overwhelm yourself. Living a life of luxury and leisure is a marathon, not sprint. Take your time and enjoy the journey.